Perfectly Imperfect
6 smoke detectors, 4 a.m., 2 black eyes...
I've figured it out... it's not that I don't want to write anymore, and it's not that I don't have anything to write about. Crap happens to me on a daily... most times hourly... basis. It's just that by the time I get around to writing about it, I'm sidetracked by four kids, three dogs, a psycho cat, or whatever.
So, I figure, I'll just write about things as they happen.
Thus this letter written at four a.m.
I'll give you a hint... remember a few years back when all of the smoke detectors started sounding off at umpteen decibles for no good reason at 5 a.m. every night for three weeks? The running in and out of the house, waving a broom at invisible non-existant smoke, giving myself a bloody nose as I hit a sliding glass door at full speed... I might still have that email, if you want to read it again... good times... GOOD times.
Welcome to Defective Smoke Dectector Hell part 3.
Part three because part two actually happened about two weeks ago, but I thought I'd fixed the problem. Five a.m. wake up call by six hardwired smoke detectors... ah.... who DOESN'T like waking up that way??
ANYWAY the girls are gone for the weekend. Their dad has come up and whisked them away for two days. The boys and I spent the night watching non-Dora the Explorer/Hanna Montana/Pony laden cartoons. We got drunk on root beer and gorged on pizza... as with Family Nights of the past, we all passed out in the livingroom, doors wide open, windows open, cool breeze floating from one end of the house to the other... (it's not summer anymore, it's cold now... like 70 something at night... the blankets are back on the beds)...
When suddenly, three a.m... ear piercing blood curdling dog howling umpteen decibles loud - all six smoke detectors start sounding off. There was as always the initial, "maybe this time it's a real fire" thought.
There was, as always, no such fire.
Now, let me take this moment to remind you. Four of the alarms can be reached if you stand on a chair. Now, let me take this moment to stop you from asking when the last time was I changed the batteries... it was 2 weeks ago.
So, I did what any shell shocked, post traumatic psycho defective smoke detector survivor would do... I grabbed a chair. I stood on it. I ripped the entire detector out of the ceiling. Oh yea. Please feel free to send me your emails and complaints about the safety of smoke detectors... I'll read them all and feel properly ashamed - later.
For now, I'm more worried about the fact that despite replacing batteries, and entire units annually, these things still ring off in the middle of the night for no good reason on such a regular basis, that JUSTIN DIDN'T EVEN WAKE UP.
Dominic did... he at first was shocked to watch me rip the first one out of the ceiling. He snickered when the second one hit the ground and shattered in two. He laughed outright when the death of the third one seemed to shut the rest of them up. He stopped laughing - with effort - when I grabbed the chair to move it to the last one I could reach, lost my grip, and the chair fell backwards, the back of which hit me square in the nose.
So here I sit, pondering the possiblity of blowing up the other two detectors that I can't reach with my mind, trying to type while staunching the flow of blood from my nose, seriously awake now at four a.m.
There is of course good and bad to every situation.
The bad and most obvious is that yes, I'm well aware of the fact that I will have to AGAIN buy six new dectors to wire back into the house. I'm certain that it's the right thing to do, and that leaving my home with no protection is not smart.
The good news is, my landlord knew this was coming in advance. I told him I'd do it if they sounded off again, and his response was, "they make a very satisfying crashing sound when you break them in the driveway." So - yeah - they did this crap even when he lived here. Also, butt-crack-of-dawn t.v. isn't as bad as it used to be. Christopher Titus has a new special out, and did you know there was a cooking show now that makes you pair the oddest ingrediants together for three courses in order to win $10000 dollars? Cool!
Dominic is already half on, half off of the couch snoring soundly... Justin never stopped. The dogs are certain this means it's time to play, and me... I'm going to catch up on the Mad Men, One Tree Hill, Vampire Diaries and Sons of Anarchy episodes I missed from LAST week. Hey - when you see it all written out like that - I watch not only a lot of t.v., but really random stuff!!!
Until next time, take care, stay safe, and... do you think I can get away with saying, "you should see the other guy" if I end up with two black eyes from the kitchen table chair???
Write when you get the chance,
w
So, I figure, I'll just write about things as they happen.
Thus this letter written at four a.m.
I'll give you a hint... remember a few years back when all of the smoke detectors started sounding off at umpteen decibles for no good reason at 5 a.m. every night for three weeks? The running in and out of the house, waving a broom at invisible non-existant smoke, giving myself a bloody nose as I hit a sliding glass door at full speed... I might still have that email, if you want to read it again... good times... GOOD times.
Welcome to Defective Smoke Dectector Hell part 3.
Part three because part two actually happened about two weeks ago, but I thought I'd fixed the problem. Five a.m. wake up call by six hardwired smoke detectors... ah.... who DOESN'T like waking up that way??
ANYWAY the girls are gone for the weekend. Their dad has come up and whisked them away for two days. The boys and I spent the night watching non-Dora the Explorer/Hanna Montana/Pony laden cartoons. We got drunk on root beer and gorged on pizza... as with Family Nights of the past, we all passed out in the livingroom, doors wide open, windows open, cool breeze floating from one end of the house to the other... (it's not summer anymore, it's cold now... like 70 something at night... the blankets are back on the beds)...
When suddenly, three a.m... ear piercing blood curdling dog howling umpteen decibles loud - all six smoke detectors start sounding off. There was as always the initial, "maybe this time it's a real fire" thought.
There was, as always, no such fire.
Now, let me take this moment to remind you. Four of the alarms can be reached if you stand on a chair. Now, let me take this moment to stop you from asking when the last time was I changed the batteries... it was 2 weeks ago.
So, I did what any shell shocked, post traumatic psycho defective smoke detector survivor would do... I grabbed a chair. I stood on it. I ripped the entire detector out of the ceiling. Oh yea. Please feel free to send me your emails and complaints about the safety of smoke detectors... I'll read them all and feel properly ashamed - later.
For now, I'm more worried about the fact that despite replacing batteries, and entire units annually, these things still ring off in the middle of the night for no good reason on such a regular basis, that JUSTIN DIDN'T EVEN WAKE UP.
Dominic did... he at first was shocked to watch me rip the first one out of the ceiling. He snickered when the second one hit the ground and shattered in two. He laughed outright when the death of the third one seemed to shut the rest of them up. He stopped laughing - with effort - when I grabbed the chair to move it to the last one I could reach, lost my grip, and the chair fell backwards, the back of which hit me square in the nose.
So here I sit, pondering the possiblity of blowing up the other two detectors that I can't reach with my mind, trying to type while staunching the flow of blood from my nose, seriously awake now at four a.m.
There is of course good and bad to every situation.
The bad and most obvious is that yes, I'm well aware of the fact that I will have to AGAIN buy six new dectors to wire back into the house. I'm certain that it's the right thing to do, and that leaving my home with no protection is not smart.
The good news is, my landlord knew this was coming in advance. I told him I'd do it if they sounded off again, and his response was, "they make a very satisfying crashing sound when you break them in the driveway." So - yeah - they did this crap even when he lived here. Also, butt-crack-of-dawn t.v. isn't as bad as it used to be. Christopher Titus has a new special out, and did you know there was a cooking show now that makes you pair the oddest ingrediants together for three courses in order to win $10000 dollars? Cool!
Dominic is already half on, half off of the couch snoring soundly... Justin never stopped. The dogs are certain this means it's time to play, and me... I'm going to catch up on the Mad Men, One Tree Hill, Vampire Diaries and Sons of Anarchy episodes I missed from LAST week. Hey - when you see it all written out like that - I watch not only a lot of t.v., but really random stuff!!!
Until next time, take care, stay safe, and... do you think I can get away with saying, "you should see the other guy" if I end up with two black eyes from the kitchen table chair???
Write when you get the chance,
w
Comment
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Comment by Wendy Syler Woodward on October 29, 2009 at 11:12am - Thank you!! I think I write because I need to have documentation so that when some freak thing like rabid racoons take over my house or something, people will believe this kind of thing really does happen to me!! :) xoxo - as for Dominic... kharma will get him... oh yes... she will!
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Comment by Rene Syler on October 28, 2009 at 11:09pm - geez.. you're lucky you didn't break your nose.. or Dominic's haha
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Comment by Rene Syler on October 28, 2009 at 11:07pm
- Wendy you are such a talented writer.. perhaps it's because there are no distractions (outside of the smoke detector) at 4 am?
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