Roadtrip! Considering An Offramp On My Life's Superhighway

[Bonnie Petrie]

Yes, I'm heading out on a roadtrip. Literally, and figuratively.

I don't really know any of you, yet, but I figure I might as well dive right in.

I am about to get on 45 north and make that long drive from Houston to Dallas. I'm going to see if maybe...just maybe...it's time to change everything. Oh yes, to use a great old cliché, I'm at a fork in the road.

I have been building my career for 15 years. I'm pretty good at what I do, and sometimes I even love it, but I'm mostly meh about it. Since I had my beautiful daughter three years ago, the hours -- which I used to relish as proof of my stamina and commitment -- are too long. The demands are too great. My industry is changing, too. It is nothing like the business into which I threw myself with great idealism and passion oh so long ago. It's just not the same.

After my darling Aidan Kate came -- a mid-30s surprise -- I found myself in love with babies. Obsessed with babies. Mostly obsessed with her, but all babies, too. Their health, their well-being...everything! From their wide open spirits to their tiny toes. So I started working on a podcast series as a resource for pregnant women. It took two long and wonderful years, but it is done. My second baby.

And I realized............THAT'S what I love.

A couple of weeks ago my schedule demanded I be at work at four a.m. for a week. As I handed my daughter off to my soon-to-be-ex-husband every night (it's hard to get a baby sitter at 4 a.m.), she would wail...I don't want you to go to work, mommy!

Well, I don't want to go to work, either, sweetheart. At least not to that job. I don't want to work crazy hours away from my baby doing work I really don't even believe in. Not anymore. I'm just done.

But now what?

I started contacting graduate schools with Master's programs in Development and Family Studies. Babies! Families! I could ultimately combine my career experience to this point with my great new passion, and build a life for my daughter and me that would allow me to be more of the "good enough mother" I strive to be.

But grad school? At 38? A single mom to a three year old? Ditching everything I have worked so tirelessly to build to go hang out with a bunch of 22 year olds? For real?

For real.

Many people I have told about this idea think I am mad. Many others think it is perfect.

Maybe it's both.

So when I log off here I'm getting into my old Ford Escape and heading up 45 to talk with the people up there, and see what they have to say. I may just do this!

I may just do it...............

I'm a little dizzy. Who knew hitting the brakes to get off the highway and try a new road could make your head spin so?

[Rene Syler]

Yay Bonnie! Whoa, sounds like 2009 is starting off with a bang for you! CONGRATS on all the exciting things. We know you are busy so no worries there.. but feel free to dip in from time to time.. we love status updates! Be safe on the journey, literally and figuratively!

[Bonnie Petrie]

You guys! Sorry I've been out of pocket for so long, but I was accepted to grad school, I resigned from my job, FINALLY filed for divorce, and I start school next week! WooHoo!

Right now my life is a flurry of packing with a three year old who wants to play with everything I've just put in a box, looking for childcare, and taking care of all the other details -- little and large -- that go along with a momentous life change.

Thanks so much for all of your supportive words. They really have made a huge difference!

I hope to be able to return the favor as I settle into a life I never planned...

Talk soon?

b

[Cindi]

Yeah Bonnie!!!! You make me proud. Most times it is that first step into the unknown that is the hardest. You are already almost a week into your new life. Yahoooooo!!!!

[Kathy L]

I'm so glad things are becoming clearer! Please keep us posted!

[Rene Syler]

and how dare that kid want.. FOOD!

[Rene Syler]

Oh Good Bonnie! this is so great! This is really how I envisioned this group being and we are succeeding, LOL ( do I sound surprised, na!!!) Keep us in the loop!

[Bonnie Petrie]

Oh, Kathy, that would be doubly awesome. :)

[Bonnie Petrie]

Thanks so much! What great group. I'm typing to y'all from the computer lab at the University of North Texas. Everything is going really well, despite brief bursts of uncertainty. I am working, right now, on figuring out how to pay for this venture while still being able to support my daughter's inordinately banal habit of eating. I'm so co-dependent! ;) To that end, I will be meeting with the department chair of the field in which I currently work in an hour or so. She has been very encouraging about opportunities in her department, up to and maybe including an adjunct professorship.

I really may make this thing work.

The "year from now" approach has been really helpful the last couple of days.

Thanks again. :)

b

[Kathy L]

OK, I just used the word "awesome" twice...how old am I?!

[Kathy L]

So Bonnie, where are we going?! I took an non-matriculated on-line course which was awesome. I took it through Teachers College which is affiliated with Columbia. In my heart, I want to go back to Fordham because my mom went there and it would be really awesome for her to hand me my degree. I know...I'm a mush!